Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Journalism:The New Dark Side



God you’re all weird.


In Grey Lynn. With your technology allergies (urgh and iPhone—eeew don’t touch it, you might catch “capitalism”). Trying to be cultured and whinging on about the ‘dark side’ till you lose your job at and evil global media company, (Fairfax ain’t no home-based cottage industry sweetheart), and turn up in my inbox grizzling for a job and claiming to be a Yoda at corporate communications.


It seems the new sniffy offence to be caused to the superior breed of press release regurgitating beings is me having a blog. Me! A blog! Can you believe it?!


“What do you [airquotes] BLOG about?”


“Who reads your [airquotes] BLOG?


[sniff sniff.. drink more free wine]


It seems that my failure to have written the “Thanks a Bunch!” column for the Franklin County News disqualifies me from such endeavours.


Upon pointing out to the Grey Lynn journotards that perhaps they should try it because you get a chance to say words like “arsehat” and oh, it may even help you to build a profile as a journalist and get more work opportunities so you can buy some more art deco crap for when you move to Point Chev as part of the great seven-year journalist migration—they looked confused (“you know like Jeremy Clarkson, own column etc” …blink.. blink.. confused).


It was the same confused look that I got from a TVNZ superior media-being when I said that I watched Maori Television (“You watch what? Do you work for them?”..blink.. blink.. confused).



Perhaps with all the ‘culture’ and organic free-range soy duckfat Westmere butchery troughing and pretending to live in a quaint European village you don’t have time to put your head up and care about stuff like the total imminent destruction of your industry and a little thing called “media fragmentation” . And if the iPhone is the root of all evil, then TiVo is his cousin and you certainly don’t want to think about what that may mean to you (“golly Kathryn Wilson makes some nice shoes…oooo yes she does!”). Much better to save the environment and stay in the dark and talk about shoes.



So while you journotards continue to write gripping stories like this in our national print media:


"Dozens of residents in Auckland's Grey Lynn had murky water running out of their taps last night".


(Oh God no! Was the Smeg front loader alright?)


I will continue to blog, about nothing, to myself.


If that’s OK with you?

Posted via email from cjlambert's posterous

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